correspondence

Thank you for the lovely letter, it is such a joy hearing from you. I admire your ability to find beauty amid such destruction and despair; it’s easy to forget that beauty exists and be weighed down by troubles. You are also a good writer, the world you describe comes alive through your words. I’m left both comforted and distressed after reading them. Comforted because I can hear your voice in your writing and distressed because I want to help but do not know how. Write as often as you can, I look forward to every email.

Life in the US is going well. I’m at home for my week of Spring Break which is very pleasant. I had to have mouth surgery on Friday and today I finally feel on the way to recovery. I’m on a liquid only diet which is a bit odd, I’ve started craving crunchy things. When my parents sit down for dinner I gaze enviously at their solid food and their working jaws. It wasn’t serious surgery, don’t worry. Because of genetics and braces my gum line was slipping from my front bottom teeth. thanks to genetics I have thin gums and big teeth and the braces I wore interfered with Nature, et voila – receding gums. According to the periodontist my gums were “traumatized” by the braces experience. I suppose the receding is the equivalent to post-traumatic stress. I thought about therapy for the gums but I just don’t have the money. In any case, they took a piece from the top of my mouth (2cm by 1cm – larger than I thought, I watched him snip off the fat after he took it out!) and sewed it to my front gum line. Apparently the two will meld and I’ll have new gums. Right now it looks like something from Frankenstein but never mind.

My parents are well, dad is working hard on his book and mom is energetically making the house into a home (the garden is beautiful, I can’t wait for you to visit again). The cats are also doing alright, they like having another lap to laze on. They all enjoy having me home, I’m utterly spoiled but that’ll end as soon as my parents see I’m better. Unfortunately I had to bring work with me but I probably would’ve been horribly bored without it. I have a lot of writing to do: two papers, some articles for the magazine I work for and plenty of letters. The papers I’m avoiding at the cost of my sanity. One is on Flaubert’s “Sentimental Education” and the other is about the construction of Victorian masculinity. I’m worried about my Flaubert paper, I didn’t enjoy the book and I’m really not sure what to write. I’ll figure it out somehow. I should probably do that instead of working on my correspondence.

School in general is also going well. I’m taking two British history courses, a British literature course and a history seminar (history is major, my concentration British history). I love all of them and I like feeling busy. Thesis is looming in the hazy horizon of my future, a little bit nerve-wracking but not too much. I’m now editor-in-chief of the college magazine I work for which is exciting. I enjoy working with a team of writers and artists to produce a publication. I don’t think I want to go into journalism but the experience and the constant writing practice is excellent. My life at school consists mainly of academics, the magazine, and my girlfriends. I get bored and tired of the guys I meet. This time is for me, my learning and my growing.

Yet it doesn't feel quite right being wrapped up in my own bubble here in the US. When I got back from Kenya I had many fine ideas about going back, doing this and that, helping more, being more "aware", etc. Somehow it's all faded away. All I think about now are my classes, the magazine I work for, my future. There are moments of terrible guilt when I see how selfish I'm being, I should be focusing my energy on helping others and not just myself. I'm not sure where those moments will take me. I do need to make more of an effort to change my community for the better. It's also been difficult realizing how quickly my relationships in Kenya are fading. Home-stay family members who are very hard to keep in touch with, friends who I promised letters to - again I feel guilty for focusing my energies on my friends at college. I suppose being on break will help, I can finally write the letters and make the phone calls I've been meaning to. Do you have any suggestions? I keep thinking of the airplane safety warning, “secure your mask before helping others”. Is it selfish to want to secure my future and my life before I start helping others? I’m sure I’m boxing myself in and there must be a middle-ground but it’s frustrating.

Alright, I really should begin work on that Flaubert paper, perhaps writing this email has warmed up my writing muscles. Hope you and your friends are well. I’m sending peaceful and restful thoughts your way.