some guy tried to rub up against me
in a crowded subway car
some guy tried to feed me some stupid line
in some stupid bar
I see the same shit everyday
the landscape looks so bleak
I think I'll take the first one of you's home
that does something unique
some chick says
thank you for saying all the things I never do
I say
you know, the thanks I get is to take all the shit for you
it's nice that you listen
it'd be nicer if you joined in
as long as you play their game girl
you're never going to win
today I just want someone to entertain me
I'm tired of being so fierce
I'm tired of being so friendly
you don't have to be a supermodel
to do the animal thing
you don't have to be a supergenius
to open your face up and sing
somebody do something
anything soon
I know I can't be the only
whatever I am in the room
so why am I so lonely?
why am I so tired?
I need backup
I need company
I need to be inspired
- "Face Up and Sing" Ani Difranco
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
correspondence
I thoroughly enjoyed looking through the pictures and I've taking a select few with me to college to adorn my walls (think roosters and blood – mwa ha ha ha ha). Fool that I am I forgot to bring your letter with me. I’m currently on the flight down to school from home. Sitting next to me is a rather stiff businessman who looks like he was either in the army or a football player, I can’t decide which.
How are you? How is your semester going? I’ve been a horrible correspondent and haven’t written to you once, my apologies. When I’m in school I crawl into my shell of academia and magazine writing like the good hermit crab that I am. My life is full of history, mainly British, and one literature class (British again). Even though I’m a history major I’m getting a bit sick of it all, especially in the past few weeks. I feel like a hamster racing away on a gilded wheel – going nowhere, doing very little of meaning but continuing nevertheless. Of course then I feel like silly character from a Chekov play and I shut my trap. Ever seen a Chekov play? Well, avoid “The Three Sisters” if you can. I found it painfully boring and too familiar a topic. It tells the story of a rich Russian family in Moscow who spend the entire three hours of the play (I'm not kidding, three hours) complaining about how they want to be in St. Petersburg instead. Rich white bourgeoisie complaining about their lives. A little too close for comfort if you ask me. There was probably more to the play than that but I missed it. In any case, I realize how daft I’m being and I quit my whinging. The education I’m getting is excellent, if at times it seems abstract and meaningless, I should be thankful.
....Two days later.
I was in a rather horrid mood that day, it was the first time I didn't want to go back to college after a vacation. Very bizarre. I think the wander-lust is returning, I like day-dreaming on where I will go next. Speaking of going places, any plans on returning to Kenya? I wanted to go back this summer but I don't think I can, I need to work. How's L doing in Tanzania? I talked to O over break and he said she'd be visiting Kenya at some point. He said everyone in Lamu is fine, though his cousin's husband passed away. Have you heard from N? I'm sending letters to our family in Kaloleni, I wonder if F got to Switzerland alright.
How are you? How is your semester going? I’ve been a horrible correspondent and haven’t written to you once, my apologies. When I’m in school I crawl into my shell of academia and magazine writing like the good hermit crab that I am. My life is full of history, mainly British, and one literature class (British again). Even though I’m a history major I’m getting a bit sick of it all, especially in the past few weeks. I feel like a hamster racing away on a gilded wheel – going nowhere, doing very little of meaning but continuing nevertheless. Of course then I feel like silly character from a Chekov play and I shut my trap. Ever seen a Chekov play? Well, avoid “The Three Sisters” if you can. I found it painfully boring and too familiar a topic. It tells the story of a rich Russian family in Moscow who spend the entire three hours of the play (I'm not kidding, three hours) complaining about how they want to be in St. Petersburg instead. Rich white bourgeoisie complaining about their lives. A little too close for comfort if you ask me. There was probably more to the play than that but I missed it. In any case, I realize how daft I’m being and I quit my whinging. The education I’m getting is excellent, if at times it seems abstract and meaningless, I should be thankful.
....Two days later.
I was in a rather horrid mood that day, it was the first time I didn't want to go back to college after a vacation. Very bizarre. I think the wander-lust is returning, I like day-dreaming on where I will go next. Speaking of going places, any plans on returning to Kenya? I wanted to go back this summer but I don't think I can, I need to work. How's L doing in Tanzania? I talked to O over break and he said she'd be visiting Kenya at some point. He said everyone in Lamu is fine, though his cousin's husband passed away. Have you heard from N? I'm sending letters to our family in Kaloleni, I wonder if F got to Switzerland alright.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
correspondence
I found the journal when I got back here, more fool me. I've decided to impersonate a Chekov character for the rest of the week. Boo hoo hoo, my rich white bourgeois life is so horrible, boo hoo hoo. Running on the golden wheel still. To increase my interest in academic life I've decided to incorporate unusual words into my papers and class discussions. I've been able to use "genitals" in the paper I'm working on right now and hopefully I'll think of more. I need to generate a random list somehow. Any suggestions? Thanks for a wonderful visit, I thoroughly enjoyed the Upstairs-Downstairs and relax time. The prospect of a summer in Seattle is looking increasingly more tempting. Alright back to the grindstone.
Monday, March 12, 2007
correspondence
Thank you for the lovely letter, it is such a joy hearing from you. I admire your ability to find beauty amid such destruction and despair; it’s easy to forget that beauty exists and be weighed down by troubles. You are also a good writer, the world you describe comes alive through your words. I’m left both comforted and distressed after reading them. Comforted because I can hear your voice in your writing and distressed because I want to help but do not know how. Write as often as you can, I look forward to every email.
Life in the US is going well. I’m at home for my week of Spring Break which is very pleasant. I had to have mouth surgery on Friday and today I finally feel on the way to recovery. I’m on a liquid only diet which is a bit odd, I’ve started craving crunchy things. When my parents sit down for dinner I gaze enviously at their solid food and their working jaws. It wasn’t serious surgery, don’t worry. Because of genetics and braces my gum line was slipping from my front bottom teeth. thanks to genetics I have thin gums and big teeth and the braces I wore interfered with Nature, et voila – receding gums. According to the periodontist my gums were “traumatized” by the braces experience. I suppose the receding is the equivalent to post-traumatic stress. I thought about therapy for the gums but I just don’t have the money. In any case, they took a piece from the top of my mouth (2cm by 1cm – larger than I thought, I watched him snip off the fat after he took it out!) and sewed it to my front gum line. Apparently the two will meld and I’ll have new gums. Right now it looks like something from Frankenstein but never mind.
My parents are well, dad is working hard on his book and mom is energetically making the house into a home (the garden is beautiful, I can’t wait for you to visit again). The cats are also doing alright, they like having another lap to laze on. They all enjoy having me home, I’m utterly spoiled but that’ll end as soon as my parents see I’m better. Unfortunately I had to bring work with me but I probably would’ve been horribly bored without it. I have a lot of writing to do: two papers, some articles for the magazine I work for and plenty of letters. The papers I’m avoiding at the cost of my sanity. One is on Flaubert’s “Sentimental Education” and the other is about the construction of Victorian masculinity. I’m worried about my Flaubert paper, I didn’t enjoy the book and I’m really not sure what to write. I’ll figure it out somehow. I should probably do that instead of working on my correspondence.
School in general is also going well. I’m taking two British history courses, a British literature course and a history seminar (history is major, my concentration British history). I love all of them and I like feeling busy. Thesis is looming in the hazy horizon of my future, a little bit nerve-wracking but not too much. I’m now editor-in-chief of the college magazine I work for which is exciting. I enjoy working with a team of writers and artists to produce a publication. I don’t think I want to go into journalism but the experience and the constant writing practice is excellent. My life at school consists mainly of academics, the magazine, and my girlfriends. I get bored and tired of the guys I meet. This time is for me, my learning and my growing.
Yet it doesn't feel quite right being wrapped up in my own bubble here in the US. When I got back from Kenya I had many fine ideas about going back, doing this and that, helping more, being more "aware", etc. Somehow it's all faded away. All I think about now are my classes, the magazine I work for, my future. There are moments of terrible guilt when I see how selfish I'm being, I should be focusing my energy on helping others and not just myself. I'm not sure where those moments will take me. I do need to make more of an effort to change my community for the better. It's also been difficult realizing how quickly my relationships in Kenya are fading. Home-stay family members who are very hard to keep in touch with, friends who I promised letters to - again I feel guilty for focusing my energies on my friends at college. I suppose being on break will help, I can finally write the letters and make the phone calls I've been meaning to. Do you have any suggestions? I keep thinking of the airplane safety warning, “secure your mask before helping others”. Is it selfish to want to secure my future and my life before I start helping others? I’m sure I’m boxing myself in and there must be a middle-ground but it’s frustrating.
Alright, I really should begin work on that Flaubert paper, perhaps writing this email has warmed up my writing muscles. Hope you and your friends are well. I’m sending peaceful and restful thoughts your way.
Life in the US is going well. I’m at home for my week of Spring Break which is very pleasant. I had to have mouth surgery on Friday and today I finally feel on the way to recovery. I’m on a liquid only diet which is a bit odd, I’ve started craving crunchy things. When my parents sit down for dinner I gaze enviously at their solid food and their working jaws. It wasn’t serious surgery, don’t worry. Because of genetics and braces my gum line was slipping from my front bottom teeth. thanks to genetics I have thin gums and big teeth and the braces I wore interfered with Nature, et voila – receding gums. According to the periodontist my gums were “traumatized” by the braces experience. I suppose the receding is the equivalent to post-traumatic stress. I thought about therapy for the gums but I just don’t have the money. In any case, they took a piece from the top of my mouth (2cm by 1cm – larger than I thought, I watched him snip off the fat after he took it out!) and sewed it to my front gum line. Apparently the two will meld and I’ll have new gums. Right now it looks like something from Frankenstein but never mind.
My parents are well, dad is working hard on his book and mom is energetically making the house into a home (the garden is beautiful, I can’t wait for you to visit again). The cats are also doing alright, they like having another lap to laze on. They all enjoy having me home, I’m utterly spoiled but that’ll end as soon as my parents see I’m better. Unfortunately I had to bring work with me but I probably would’ve been horribly bored without it. I have a lot of writing to do: two papers, some articles for the magazine I work for and plenty of letters. The papers I’m avoiding at the cost of my sanity. One is on Flaubert’s “Sentimental Education” and the other is about the construction of Victorian masculinity. I’m worried about my Flaubert paper, I didn’t enjoy the book and I’m really not sure what to write. I’ll figure it out somehow. I should probably do that instead of working on my correspondence.
School in general is also going well. I’m taking two British history courses, a British literature course and a history seminar (history is major, my concentration British history). I love all of them and I like feeling busy. Thesis is looming in the hazy horizon of my future, a little bit nerve-wracking but not too much. I’m now editor-in-chief of the college magazine I work for which is exciting. I enjoy working with a team of writers and artists to produce a publication. I don’t think I want to go into journalism but the experience and the constant writing practice is excellent. My life at school consists mainly of academics, the magazine, and my girlfriends. I get bored and tired of the guys I meet. This time is for me, my learning and my growing.
Yet it doesn't feel quite right being wrapped up in my own bubble here in the US. When I got back from Kenya I had many fine ideas about going back, doing this and that, helping more, being more "aware", etc. Somehow it's all faded away. All I think about now are my classes, the magazine I work for, my future. There are moments of terrible guilt when I see how selfish I'm being, I should be focusing my energy on helping others and not just myself. I'm not sure where those moments will take me. I do need to make more of an effort to change my community for the better. It's also been difficult realizing how quickly my relationships in Kenya are fading. Home-stay family members who are very hard to keep in touch with, friends who I promised letters to - again I feel guilty for focusing my energies on my friends at college. I suppose being on break will help, I can finally write the letters and make the phone calls I've been meaning to. Do you have any suggestions? I keep thinking of the airplane safety warning, “secure your mask before helping others”. Is it selfish to want to secure my future and my life before I start helping others? I’m sure I’m boxing myself in and there must be a middle-ground but it’s frustrating.
Alright, I really should begin work on that Flaubert paper, perhaps writing this email has warmed up my writing muscles. Hope you and your friends are well. I’m sending peaceful and restful thoughts your way.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
correspondence
Thank you for the beautiful email! I'm glad I'll be able to hear news from Argentina. The long emails I wrote from Kenya were such a joy to read-over when I got back, I'm sure you'll feel the same once you get back to the US. How does your experience in Buenos Aires compare to your experience in Mexico? How does the group differ? I can't believe there are 150 students, that's a lot! Well, I suppose it's normal compared to the small SIT trips of 15-20 students. I'm not surprised you got American culture shock from just being around American college kids, we bring our culture where ever we go and often as a defense mechanism in the face of the unfamiliar. Reading your email made me want to pack my bags and join you! I've never been to Argentina or any South American country for that matter. Based on my very limited knowledge of Argentina it's a very unique place compared to other countries in the area. I've heard people say it's an interesting mix of European and South American and the European influence is very strong. I believe you talked about that in your letter. How do the Agentinian students compare to the American? Would you say students there are more politically and socially active than students at our school? Any thoughts why? I wonder if you'll have time to answer all my questions, I have a tendency to ask too many questions.
Everything here is alright. It's Spring Break right now and I'm at home. I had mouth surgery on Friday (nothing serious) and I'm completely dopped up on pain killers. I'm also on a liquid only diet which is a bit odd and the lazing about is driving me insane. After an entire day in front of the telly watching "Upstairs-Downstairs" (Brit period drama set in turn of the century London) I had to get up and do something. I know we only saw each other a bit when you visited (how was that stay by the way?), hopefully we'll have more time to catch up next semester. I'd love to exchange travel stories.
It doesn't feel quite right being wrapped up in my own bubble here in the US. When I got back from Kenya I had many fine ideals about going back, doing this and that, helping more, being more "aware", etc. Somehow it's all faded away. All I think about now is class, the magazine I work for, my future. There are moments of terrible guilt when I see how selfish I'm being, I should be focusing my energy on helping others and not just myself. I'm not sure where those moments will take me. I do need to make more of an effort to change my community for the better. It's also been difficult realizing how quickly my relationships in Kenya are fading. Homestay family members who are very hard to keep in touch with, friends who I promised letters to - again I feel guilty for focusing my energies on the friends at school. I suppose being on break will help, I can finally write the letters and make the phone calls I've been meaning to. Do you keep in contact with the people you met in Mexico?
I'm going to have to cut this short, I need to take another pain pill and not do anything. This mouth situation is not conducive to thinking or writing. Best of luck and I hope to hear from you soon!
Everything here is alright. It's Spring Break right now and I'm at home. I had mouth surgery on Friday (nothing serious) and I'm completely dopped up on pain killers. I'm also on a liquid only diet which is a bit odd and the lazing about is driving me insane. After an entire day in front of the telly watching "Upstairs-Downstairs" (Brit period drama set in turn of the century London) I had to get up and do something. I know we only saw each other a bit when you visited (how was that stay by the way?), hopefully we'll have more time to catch up next semester. I'd love to exchange travel stories.
It doesn't feel quite right being wrapped up in my own bubble here in the US. When I got back from Kenya I had many fine ideals about going back, doing this and that, helping more, being more "aware", etc. Somehow it's all faded away. All I think about now is class, the magazine I work for, my future. There are moments of terrible guilt when I see how selfish I'm being, I should be focusing my energy on helping others and not just myself. I'm not sure where those moments will take me. I do need to make more of an effort to change my community for the better. It's also been difficult realizing how quickly my relationships in Kenya are fading. Homestay family members who are very hard to keep in touch with, friends who I promised letters to - again I feel guilty for focusing my energies on the friends at school. I suppose being on break will help, I can finally write the letters and make the phone calls I've been meaning to. Do you keep in contact with the people you met in Mexico?
I'm going to have to cut this short, I need to take another pain pill and not do anything. This mouth situation is not conducive to thinking or writing. Best of luck and I hope to hear from you soon!
correspondence
Asante sana kwa email yako, ninapenda kusoma habari ya kenya na wewe! Habari yako? Habari ya SIT? Niko nyumba yangu katika mji wa Seattle, kuna mvuaa nyingi lakini ninaipenda. Kila kitu ni sawa sawa hapa. Baba na Mama yangu ni sawa, baba anaandika kitabu na mama anapenda kusoma. Sasa ni mapumzika (is that correct kiswahili?), nitapumzika kwa wiki moja, halafu nitarudi chuo kiku changu katika California. Nina swali kaka. Ikiwa ninataka kupeleka barua, bahasha ao vitabu kwa rafiki zangu katika kenya nitafanya nini? Ninataka kupeleka barua ao bahasha kwa familia yako katika Mombasa (my old homestay family), lakini sina address wao. Nitauliza Danny pia.
I hope you are fine na kila kitu ni sawa. I miss you kaka, I miss you very much. I saw a photo of you yesterday, it made me want to come back to Mombasa soon. miss you and say hujambo to Athman, Ali and Tima!
I hope you are fine na kila kitu ni sawa. I miss you kaka, I miss you very much. I saw a photo of you yesterday, it made me want to come back to Mombasa soon. miss you and say hujambo to Athman, Ali and Tima!
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