A Wise Man Once Said..

And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

- Khalil Gibran

correspondence

This took me long enough to reply! Pole sana baba. Congratulations!!!! You're a grand-pa now, how does it feel? I hear you have a new batch of students (and I believe you're in Lamu). Hope everything is going well. I do miss being there, it's become easier being back here but still - things don't quite feel the same. I've gotten back into my old routine: classes, writing for my magazine, studying, thinking, chatting with friends and some wine. It's been challenging reconciling my different lives, the one I had last semester and this one. I try not to lose sight of the goals and promises I made. On that note I have a question. I want to send books to St. George's and St. Michael's in Kaloleni, what's the best way for me to do that? Should I send them to the SIT office with money for you to send them to Kaloleni? Or should I send them directly to the schools? What if I want to send mail to my Mombasa homestay family, Lamu, or my Kaloleni family? Perhaps these are silly questions...I'm sure you'll let me know. I know you're supper busy and I don't expect a reply soon but just when you get a chance (I know what it's like being insane with work!). Send my love to all in Lamu, especially Omari, Athman the curator and Ali. If you see Reuben, Anne or Geoffry send a very warm "hamjambo!". Tell them I'm still trying to study kiswahili, there might be a class I can take over the summer. Anyway, back to the grindstone of work. Asante sana baba! Ninafurahi lakini nina kazi nyingi. Wekendi iliyopita nilihitaji kusoma 1,251 sahifi kwa darasa yangu. I nearly went insane.

Valentine's Day

A week before the battle of Bull Run Sullivan Ballou, a Major in the 2nd
Rhode Island Volunteers, wrote home to his wife in Smithfield.

July 14,1861
Camp Clark, Washington DC

Dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. And lest I should not be able to write you again I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no more.

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this government, and to pay that debt.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but omnipotence can break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all those chains to the battlefield. The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you, that I have enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes and future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and see our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.

If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name...

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been!...

But, 0 Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you, in the brightest day and in the darkest night... always, always. And when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath, or the cool air your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again...

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the 1st Battle of Bull Run.

correspondence

sema, habari yako? habari ya Mombasa na familia yako? Ninafurahi kwamba wanafunzi ni wazuri, ninaarithi kuwa pale! Kilakitu ni sawa sawa hapa. Nina kazi NYINGI!!!!!!! Ninahitaji kusoma vitabu vyingi lakini ninafurahi kwa sababu ninapenda kusoma. Ninafanya kazi kwa gazeti (newspaper) hapa kwa hivyo ninaandika reports. Ninapenda kufanya kazi, my friends say I need to have more fun. Ninakukosa kaka! Happy Valentine's Day!

correspondence

Nilipeleka post card (post kada?) yako jana. Sijui itafika lini (that can't be grammatically correct). Hakuna shida kuhusu kazi yangu, nitaishi (translate: I will survive, my dictionary doesn't have "survive"). But I gotta tell you, having 1,251 pages of reading was not fun, siipenda. Unakaa mama mdogo katika Nairobi? Ni vizuri sana, nimefurahi kwa wewe. Habari ya homestay familia na Nairobi na Mombasa? Una ndugu? Wana miaka mingapi?
Nimesahau kiswahili, ninatake kualia. Ninafikiri kwamba nitahudhuria darasa ya kiswahili katika Seattle over the summer.

Everything is fine and dandy here. I know I should be writing this in Kiswahili but I've got about a million things to do on my to do list and well, time is of the essance. I had the strangest dream last night, I went back to Mombasa with my parents! Very very bizarre. We only had a week and I was freaking out that I wouldn't be able to see everyone. Niko California na kuna mvuaa! It's rather pleasant actually - a break from all that sunshine. How are the students on this Nairobi trip? I'm so happy you're having a good time and I do wish I was there. I made castles in the air about coming back to Kenya soon but I don't know if those will work out. I'm finding more pressing issues are keeping me back here. Sometimes I think I'm just being selfish. How could I let all those kind people just slip out of my life? But then a part of me realizes it's also important to see what I want to do with my life before I can start helping others. I keep thinking of the airline safety warning, "secure your mask before helping others". In any case. I miss you and your common sense advice. My best to all in Nairobi and Mombasa. Will you get to see the Mombasa crew soon?

shoot me in the foot

I just looked over TSL and got depressed. They've seriously improved since I last picked up their paper...occasional mistakes but fantastic stories and in my opinion decent lay-out (I'm sure M would disagree). If it's possible for a woman to feel emasculated, I do (I tend to associate that word with men). However they did have an IDIOTIC article about coming back from abroad. This girl was in Santiago, Chile and said it was weird from home and now its weird being back. She actually had to take public transport to school in Santiago! How trying on one's soul to take public transport and be without tofu for four months. You know what's "weird" about being back? Going into any of the dining halls and thinking about all the starving children and grandmothers begging in the streets. Going to a CMC party and thinking about the slums of Nairobi and the rural coast of Kenya where poverty is the norm. Ugh. I'm going to go read.

reading for this weekend 1,251 pages
writing for this weekend 10 pages

currently: 732 pages to go
currently: 8 pages to go

I thank the world I live in that I am here and I have what I do. I would not change a thing.